All I ever did was love you..

 My hands shivered

Was it true,

After all these time we’ve spent,

A tear rolled down my cheek

My head tilted

And I looked at him from far

Why was it suddenly

That I became invisible

Was he that blind

How can he not notice me,

I wasn’t camouflaged or anything

He walked away inches by inches

I couldn’t move, stood motionless,

It’s as if the world was spinning

Only too slow,

Very slow,

Even time itself had stalled,

I was losing him,

I tried shouting,

Couldn’t, mouth wouldn’t open,

And when his footsteps became faint,

I realized that I was standing all alone,

In this weird jungle,

No sound, no wind,

The air had stopped,

I had lost him.

I remember the day we first met

I sat on the shelf in the toy shop,

Smiling prettily like I always do,

Dressed in my favorite frock

I was a sight to envy

The best among the rest

All who enter would stare at me

They all wanted me,

They all craved for me,

And all the others envied me,

For being the center of attention

I couldn’t help it,

Try as they might,

But they couldn’t get me,

My price was just too high

They couldn’t afford,

I was playing hard to get,

But it was the game

It was the main rule

To see who takes the effort

To actually climb over the ‘wall’

To actually try

To actually show the sincerity,

To actually gain my trust.

And one fine day

He stepped in the shop

He looked at me,

I looked back at him,

He talked to the shop-keeper,

Asked my price,

He took me from the shelf

Held me in his hands

Ouch that touch!

That electrifying touch!

Sent a million jolts in my body,

He liked me, he said.

I smiled at him

It was as if I had agreed

To be bought

I didn’t play hard to get

I wondered why.

He who must not be named

Was someone unique

He talked to me everyday,

I was his friend,

One very special friend,

We spent hours together

I was by his side all the time

Loved every minute with him

I noticed the way

He always made me laugh,

Made me smile dumbly

Made me feel complete

Sometimes he would sing

A few lullabies

A few romantic songs

A few oldies

I loved em all

At times I was just quiet

I needn’t say anything

I loved how he filled up the silence

With his magical words

And when he wasn’t looking

I would gaze up and stare at him

There was something in him

Something that attracted

Something that bind me

Something that made him

Just too irresistible.

And when he was away,

I missed him terribly,

Couldn’t think of anything

Couldn’t move

Couldn’t talk

I needed him

Like oxygen to breathe,

I think I was falling in love with him.

He left for a month,

I was all alone

I was at lost

Why hadn’t he said anything?

Something that would assure me

That he would come back

That he would be with me

That he would love me.

‘Time, will you pass fast?’ I wished,

Cos every single second,

He was on my mind.

One month crept by…

Alas, He came back!

Joys of Joys!

I was happy, maybe more than necessary,

Cause something had changed

He wasn’t himself

He wasn’t loving

He wasn’t caring

He never talked

Never sang anymore

I felt lonelier than before

I longed for his one touch

For his one word

What was wrong I wondered?

I only saw him on random days

Maybe he was just busy

Maybe he had some work

Or maybe he got bored of me..

The news came to me suddenly

The other dolls,

The big pink bear,

The tiny little soldier

All whispered the same thing

That he wasn’t what I expected

He wasn’t sincere

He wasn’t honest

He was playing double

Or maybe triple for all I know,

It broke my heart,

I cried,

I cried insanely,

I thought I was good,

Not perfect, but good,

What was the need of another

What was the need to cheat me

What does she have

That I don’t??

                                                                                        

One day he started talking

He asked me how was i

Wasn’t it pretty obvious?

I had missed him

I had fallen in love with him

He was on my mind 24/7

Which signs he didn’t understand?

But I never said these to him

I couldn’t, was I scared?

I didn’t know.

He left me all alone

In this dark forest,

I was too stunned

No words came out,

No tears came out,

He didn’t even look at me in the eye

As he layed me on the ground

Turned and walked off

Without a last glance,

A tear rolled down

Fell smack on a leaf

I looked around

Other dolls came by,

They smiled sympathetically

I wish I could fake a smile back

Looks like I wasn’t the only one left

There were many others

In the same predicament

Used as a past-time,

And to be thrown

Once they get bored of us

Why couldn’t we do anything?

Why did we let em play with us

Play with our hearts,

Play with our feelings?

Why were they not scared?

Where did all the love

All the affection

All those sweet words

That he showered went missing?

I kept wondering

And the more I wondered

The more it hurt

His memories lingered.

Am I a fool,

Why do I stil hope

Stil believe

That he would come back?

I couldn’t do much

After all I was just a doll,

Another toy to be played with,

Another one used,

Another heart shattered.

~ "One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope." ~ Steven Deitz